“Do you work?”
Before I had kids, my answer was easy, “yes, I am a medical speech pathologist.” At that time, thoughts about work after kids absolutely meant working outside of the home. I was not going to fritter away my professional life to raise kids. I planned to do my PhD, so kids would just have to fit into the big picture of my big career. Period.
My conversion happened…
Twin preemies will do it to you. Try to think of anything else but getting the doublets up to 5 pounds, while having 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep on a good night. I could not, but I had to because we needed the money. Two ten-hour workdays of control over my life were much easier and a welcome break from tending to two premature babies. I could have it all. But I couldn’t. The nanny was fine for my kids at first, but not so much as the value of my work shifted. The double dose of needs and joys, sometimes simultaneous, sometimes sequential, turned my universe upside down. No more working kids around career, but career around kids. What I wanted for my kids was me. No one else.
“So, do you work?”
My new answer “Yes, I am raising my kids.” As I fell in love with my twins, I cherished changing diapers, changing activities and the chaos that was my daily life as a mom. The reaction to my new answer was, “Oh, ok, but what do you do for work?” Our culture did not see parenting as valuable, essential work.
By the time I delivered baby #3, I had plenty of cohorts undergoing the same conversion. One friend recommended Surrender to Motherhood by Iris Krasnow.
My children finally forced me to stop, to be present in the present, and to be happy at that destination. Immersed in the glory of my kids, I abandoned the relentless desire to climb higher and higher – Iris Krasnow
When baby #4 was 8 years old (always my baby!), it was back to work after 10 years of full-time working at home raising kids.
First entry on my resume?
September 1994-present, Full-time Mother. Responsible for the emotional, physical, social, spiritual, intellectual, and moral development of 2-4 children, including personal hygiene, sleep habits, interpersonal skills, communication skills, study habits, leisure habits, time management, money management, organization of personal property, eating habits, table manners, psychological and physical health, etc.
How much should someone earn handling all that responsibility? $184,820/year plus benefits. Benefits? Happy, well-adjusted human beings – the building blocks of a functional, productive society.
Photo by Bob Steiner, 1994
